And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
