is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize