I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
