Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
