Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
