i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
