And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
