It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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