Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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