I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
