remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
