I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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