you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
