So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
