Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
