he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
