Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I forget how to act sober
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
