I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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