Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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