This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
