Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
