You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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