I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
