OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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