But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
cat food counts as protein by the way
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
