i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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