a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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