And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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