i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
