i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
