Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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