Sry I called you an 8
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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