so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
