I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
honey bunches of taint.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
