Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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