I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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