You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
