Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.

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(760): View more from California

I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night

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(815): View more from Illinois

There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

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(917): View more from New York City

hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye

(908): View more from New Jersey

AMAZING.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow

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(510): View more from California

JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.

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