The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
