dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
