By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
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