i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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