Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
