Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
