wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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