yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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