Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I could make wine with my vomit
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
