"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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