Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
