She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
