I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
