Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Non-Jews are for practice
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
