I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
