Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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