if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
