You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
