I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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