I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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