Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
