Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
