There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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