The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
