Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
