Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
