My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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