i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just googled if crying burns calories
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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