What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
