He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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