I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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