I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
There are leaves in my underwear?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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