I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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