my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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