My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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