Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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