He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
