remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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