i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
